No, if you are looking for a fist fight you’d best check your TV channels…I was surprised the other day to find there actually is a channel devoted entirely to fighting (boxing, etc.). This is rather, the big fight with cancer. Some of you have been there so you may understand better what happened to me this morning. I decided to clean out the bottom drawer of the dresser. The one that has all of Harry’s cancer information in it…months of radiation, months of chemo, lists and lists of medications and mileage receipts of dozens of trips to Edmonton, 500 kms down the road.
I knew it was going to be hard to do, but it has been seven years and I didn’t want my girls to end up having to go through all that stuff. But oh, the tears…tears like I haven’t shed in seven years. It is only through God’s grace we got through it all. The cancer reports filled two big files and the appointment lists were endless.
I remember the medication receipts were stacked an inch high. Today I threw almost everything out except for one paper from my doctor, a fax to our home care consultant that I don’t recall seeing before which said: “Please place on expected death at home list.” That shook me up for a few minutes. It was signed September 4, 2007…he died in hospital five days later. An interesting thing is that this particular doctor (whom we really loved) died just a few years ago. He was not far behind Harry.
Although this was a difficult morning and I am feeling like a wet dishrag, what came through most of all was the strength God gave to the two of us…how did I manage to get through all that? How did he stand the pain, the discomfort? Only through God’s grace!
There is a saying that you don’t base your Christianity on faith, it can flounder, on feelings, they can waver, but place in on fact…and the fact of the matter is GOD WAS THERE. I see it more clearly today than during those difficult days. Hindsight has its advantages.
So I dry my eyes, drink some tea and share with you again, the biggest fight we ever had. We fought it together and we lost, but in the loss I gained a much deeper faith and Harry gained heaven. Thanks be to God.